Your First Step Toward Living with Courage
The problem isn’t uncertainty. It’s trying to decide without a constant.
Before setting goals, changing habits or deciding what to do next, pause.
Know what anchors you. Because when we feel stuck or restless, we usually get busy.
The Trap of Goals
Most of us are very good at being busy. When something feels off, or we want ‘better’, we default to what we know: set new goals, put systems in place, raise the bar. We get busy living.
The beginning of the year is the epitome of this behavior: a cultural culmination of goals, guides and checklists. We are trained, often unconsciously, to see new goals as proof of growth. Optimization looks like progress. Pursuing productivity earns social currency. Staying busy feels responsible, capable, and in control.
And for many people, it works.
Until it doesn’t.
Constant activity can quietly become a way of avoiding what’s harder to face. Instead of checking if you are misaligned, you gloss over the question and add momentum. Instead of risk, you choose self-improvement. Instead of uncertainty, you double down on effort. What looks like growth might just be numbing, as you use productivity to outrun anxiety, or to quiet a feeling of unfulfillment.
Here’s the thing about misalignment: it doesn’t announce itself.
You don’t wake up one day thinking, “I’m completely out of alignment with my values.”
Misalignment is quiet. It usually shows up as:
Numbing: you stay busy to avoid feeling the gap
Avoidance: you know what needs to happen, but you aren’t facing it
Justification: you have good reasons for why now isn’t the right time
Sometimes you’re just busy. But if you are human, then at least some of your busyness is a shield to ‘protect’ you. It lets you avoid the brave conversation, the hard decision, the real change that you can’t optimize your way through.
So before you pursue new goals, pause.
Ask yourself: do you really need more of what you just added to your list, or do you need more courage?
No one gets to live their whole life perfectly values-aligned. But Brave Math exists because courage isn't reserved for life-altering choices. It shows up in the everyday: declining a request that doesn't align with you, speaking honestly when silence is easier, choosing the uncomfortable conversation over the comfortable distraction. You don't need unlimited freedom to start but you do need to use the agency you have.
In our culture, busy is socially rewarded. Courage is personally costly.
While courage is uncomfortable, it delivers better outcomes than busyness. Research shows that people acting in alignment with their values experience lower anxiety and depression. They report less fatigue and better health.
Start With Clarity
Courage doesn’t start with what you do. It starts with who you are.
Every brave decision includes uncertainty. The choice isn’t whether to act, it’s whether your actions reflect who you truly are. You don’t need new tactics; you need to get clear on what matters most to you. That clarity is where courage begins.
Our common experience with courage goes something like this:
You name what you would lose.
You aren’t certain on what you’ll gain.
You anticipate others will respond negatively.
You see the outcome isn’t guaranteed.
You feel fear that makes you want to stop.
Often you're running endless scenarios: what if this goes wrong? What if I regret it? What if… what if… You try to calculate certainty from incomplete data. So you avoid it.
The Constant in Every Brave Decision
When everything feels uncertain, we need something fixed to guide us.
If courage is a calculation, it needs a constant.
In mathematics, a constant (often denoted as k) is a fixed value that doesn’t change during the calculation regardless of context and variables. You will easily recognize some of them (π ≈ 3.14159 | e from e=mc²). Constants provide a reference point for comparison and analysis, allowing one to examine the behavior of variables in equations.
Gains, losses, and outcomes are variables. Variables change. They are uncertain.
What doesn’t change are your values. Values are the constant in every brave calculation. They are steady anchors that remain the same while everything else shifts. When the outcome is unclear, when you don’t know how others will react, when you can’t predict what you’ll gain or lose—your values don’t move. That constant is what allows you to tolerate uncertainty at all. Without it, all you see is danger.
This isn't about following your heart or trusting your gut. It's about having a constant in your equation. Without it, you're trying to solve for X when everything is a variable. That's not a feelings problem, it's a math problem. Values are k—the fixed value that doesn't change regardless of context. When you know k, the rest becomes solvable.
A common misconception is that confidence is what’s needed for courage. In reality, what people actually need is more clarity. If you don’t know what you value, then every decision feels heavier than it needs to be. You avoid, delay, over-analyze, waiting for certainty that will never come.
Before you add more goals to your list, get clear on what you value because values simplify decisions when certainty is unavailable.
So how do you actually identify your values—especially if you can't name them off the top of your head?
Uncover Your Values
Even if you can’t easily name your values, they are already trying to guide your life. When you are living out of alignment (which often shows up as avoidance, numbing, overanalyzing) you are still choosing something (often comfort, approval, money) over what truly matters to you.
If you want to know what you value, don’t start with abstract lists or aspirational words. Start with your own behavior.
Most values exercises ask you to imagine who you want to be or pick from a list of words. The exercise below takes a different approach: using self-signaling—an approach from behavioral economics—to reverse-engineer your values from a moment you’ve already lived, where you made a costly choice that revealed what truly matters.
Your Values Exercise: Take 5 minutes to Get Clear.
Here’s what you’ll do:
Identify one moment where you acted with courage
Answer three questions about the “easier” path you didn’t take
Extract the value that was already steering you
I included one of my moments in the template so you can see exactly how to work through it. For me, reverse-engineering that choice showed 3 values, 2 of which I hadn’t named before, and have helped guide other choice I’ve made since.
Do it before next week. You’ll need your answer for what comes next.
What’s Next
Last week, I asked you to identify one decision you’ve been avoiding. Today, by identifying our values, we’re taking the first step toward actually making a decision.
Over the next month, we’ll build the foundation for courageous action. I will show you how to move from avoidance to action one step at a time.
The best version of yourself (the one that showed up in the legacy moments of your life) is still available to you. For the new year, you might not need a longer to-do list or to become someone new. You need to get clearer about who you already are so you can bring it when it matters most.
That clarity is where courage begins.
P.S. Want personalized feedback?
Reply with your value or situation—I’ll use it (anonymously) in future examples